Remember Remember
The Eighth of November
When Biden and Harris
Beat the party’s worst member

Nothing could stop them
Their fans in a tizzy
The other guy dancing
His tiny hands dizzy

Not snow
Nor rain
Not even ID laws
Could stop all the people
Voting at the polls

And then came the counting
Tabulating
And mapping
Steven Kornacki
Not even napping

Every day
Every night
We waited for news
Of who had won
The reds
Or the blues

First: fucking Florida
Then big red Texas
Yeah yeah, polling errors
That will forever vex us

But New Hampshire!
That’s something
3 more votes
Against Trumping

Down south
Georgia’s close
Could it be?
Cross your toes

Now W-I
then M-I
We got them
On this try

Loss by eight
in Ohio
That sucks
But don't cry though

Then two days
At stalemate
AZ called
Oh well mate

Wait what’s this?
It’s not red?
Yeah baby
He’s dead

LOL CNN
MSNBC Too
Why can’t you call this
We all know it’s blue

Ok now, I see
It’s not the fault of AP
Some dolt fudged a number
Biden leads, but we’ll see

Too close to call
Or early
Whatever
My brain isn’t working
What’s work?
Let’s watch Trevor

STOP THE COUNTING
KEEP COUNTING
THIS ELECTION’S A FRAUD
No wait, KEEP COUNTING
I’ll lose if they pause

This is building
We can feel it
Where’s that weight from my shoulders?
I remember
Last week
I was carrying more boulders

PA kept counting
From Philly to Erie to Tippecanoe
They vowed to continue
So we could know who

And Nev-ah-da
No Nev-add-a
Whatever
It’s blue

They’re counting
But slow
Obese turtles
In shoes

By Friday it was obvious
He’ll definitely concede
The paths to victory
Are off in the weeds

Haha, Just kidding
We knew he would fight
We all went to bed
And slept well that night

Lo, the morning, Saturday
PA results trickled in
With the president tweeting
That the fight will begin

It’s simple you see
Gather round for the taping
At the Four Seasons
…Total Landscaping

Meanwhile on earth
The networks admitted
Biden had won
The results were transmitted

Spontaneously
America threw a party
They danced in the streets
While the conference started

“This is fraud” Rudy said
Just as it released
While standing between
Dildos and deceased

“Says Who?” He replied
When asked for response
Haven’t we heard that
From a friend of Don’s?

“Oh the NETWORKS” he cried
At their borrowed pulpit
His followers standing
Next to bags of bullshit

“All the networks?!” He asked
We have to refactor
There wasn’t much time
But there was a tractor

But nobody noticed
None even sneered
That they had scheduled a presser
In a place so weird

The votes had been counted
Of course, there are more
But everyone knew
That the Don, was no more

We expect that forever
The Don will complain
It’s rigged
I WON, BIGLY
I’VE GOT THE BIG BRAIN

But Kamala

Joe

Every Democrat

Independents
Some R’s
Are all done with all that

But don’t think we don’t love you
We do, so much
You’ve taught us we’re broken
Now we’re more in touch

So Don, thanks a billion
I know, this is heavy
Enjoy being former
XOXO, Covfefe